What Your Husband Really Wants
While it is true that everyone likes to be accepted, it is imperative for a husband to feel accepted by his wife. When a husband does not feel accepted by his wife, it wounds his soul. It's more than just hurt feelings. In marriage, two become one, and the rejection of a man's spouse is as rejection of himself. As he ponders about his seeming inadequacies, he finds himself becoming more and more hurt and increasingly agitated. Soon, the smallest thing causes him to blow up easily and become out of control because he is angry (hurt). Interestingly enough, the plethora of angry husbands out there could not tell you why they are angry.
Rejection is one of the main reasons that husbands become angry, upset and easily agitated. In order to better understand you husband and his needs, you should know he must have unity in order to keep his sanity. Unity comes from acceptance. Lack of acceptance creates rejection. Rejection breeds division. Without unity, he becomes mad (angry, irrational, and unsteady). When decisions are made in this state, they are not usually beneficial or complimentary to a man's spouse. Most men have not taken the time to examine how they feel or why they feel the way they do when they are rejected. This entire process usually goes undetected and causes plenty of uncertainty, rivalry and grief in a marriage.
Many wives have just accepted that their husbands are from another planet and that there is no use in trying to figure him out. Though there are many differences between the typical husband and wife, that does not mean that there needs to be division. Our differences are intended to make us stronger, not weaker. Two perspectives are always better than one, and herein lies the problem for many husbands and wives. We are closely tied to our ideas, so when we share an idea that is not accepted, we feel rejected. Rejection can often make us defensive and put us into attack mode (an attempt of self-preservation). When a wife does not understand the importance of accepting her husband, she will often feel rejected and frustrated by his negative actions.
There are many ways that a husband can feel rejected by his wife. For instance: when he wants to make love to his wife and she say no, night after night. When a wife looks to someone else for an answer that he feels qualified to give. A husband feels rejected most when he shares (exposes) his dreams with his wife and she ridicules them, or does not support him. This causes your husband to feel alone, and unappreciated. This is certainly not to say that the wife has to agree with everything that the husband says or wants. What I am saying is that when a husband feels accepted by his wife this causes him to feel confident, strong, and adequate to lead his household. There are a many instances in everyday life when your husband may feel alone and unappreciated by others. Your home should not be one of them.
If you begin to treat your husband with respect even when he may not seem deserving, and give him support even when you do not understand what he is talking about, you are helping to build him up; to become the kind of husband that you really want to have. If you disagree with him, let him know what your concerns are, without tearing him down. You don't want a husband who is torn down, because when you need him to perform, he won't be able to -- not because he does not want to, but because he doesn't feel like he can. Words matter. You can't expect him to perform at a high level when your words have captured him at a low level. What your husband needs is your support, understanding, and acceptance. This is what it takes to build a strong and loving relationship with your spouse. When he feels accepted he will become more giving, nurturing, and loving. This is the type of husband that you want and need. Build him up and build up your marriage at the same time. You will be glad that you did!
By Allen Forbes
Disclaimer: This article is written to help you better understand a husband's needs and is not intended to get you to stay in a unhealthy relationship, where you are being abused. If you are being abused in any relationship seek help from a professional.
